Angela’s Testimony Pt. 3

I recently had the opportunity to hear Angela Bauver share a bit of her testimony. Angela is a member of our healing prayer team at Cornerstone. Nigel Mumford has said that she is the future face of healing prayer in the United States. She was kind enough to give me a transcript of her words. Enjoy these excerpts and may they bring you hope for your own healing.

If you missed either of the Angela series you can check them out here:

http://wp.me/pVpiQ-1te

http://wp.me/pVpiQ-1tk

Angela says:

Over the past year I have learned why I was in bondage. I have also learned that God is the only one who is able to bring me through. He will do it so that his name will be glorified. I am an oak of righteousness; a planting of the Lord!

Joyce Meyer writes in her book, Beauty For Ashes,  “the bad fruit comes from somewhere.”

When I was in the thick of my depression I would read God’s word desperately looking for answers but all I found was guilt and shame because I was facing myself which is never acceptable in God’s sight. I had to come to the truth that God sees Jesus when He looks at me. So as I read the Scriptures that name the types of people who will not inherit the kingdom of God: those who are filled with jealousy, those who are filled with anger, greed… I would recognize many of these things in my own life.

I knew inside I was filled with bitterness and anger towards my biological family… how I grew up. I knew I was filled with jealousy. I was filled with fear. I was judgmental, critical and negative. I blamed others for my problems. I was filled with rejection and abandonment (from others and myself). I was even self-righteous!

I knew I could never measure up. But when I began to walk through the healing prayer ministry sessions, God began dealing with my wrong mind-sets, my broken image of God, my expectation for perfection in myself and others and the self-hatred I carried from my early childhood.

…You see, rotten fruit comes from rotten roots. I have learned that I will never be able to behave right if my roots are bad no matter how much I work on it. But today there is hope for me and for you in Christ Jesus. We can be uprooted from the bad soil of our lives and be transplanted into the good soil of Jesus Christ. this is not a work that can be done by our self-discipline. It has to be done by God with his grace. his Spirit comes in and digs up all of our bad roots and literally plans new ones. God is not afraid of the mess in our lives or of helping us through the painful circumstances of life. He is not disgusted by the things that come up in us and out of us. The process is beautiful.

My roots were of shame, rejection, abandonment and abuse. My bad fruit was negativity, critical judgment, self-hatred and much more. My mentality was “What’s wrong with me?” Because of that I was constantly confused and filled with inner turmoil.

October 2011 marked the beginning of my journey towards wholeness. Today I am completely uprooted and replanted in the good soil of Jesus Christ… the soil of acceptance in Jesus and into the good fruits of the Holy Spirit. I stand on Hebrews 12:2…God who is the Author and finisher of my faith will finish what He has started in me. He will bring it to completion!

Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

² When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” Isaiah 43:1-2

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey Day 16

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

Our study during this journey is called The Circle Maker.   Its basic premise is that we should dream again and ask largely of our God who desires to give us good things. As I have launched into the deeps of prayer during this season  God has been enlarging my personal prayer list on almost a daily basis. I am finding that as I pray God is building my faith by giving me steps to take in order to put me in a position to see His hand move in my ever-increasing list. Part of praying in faith is behaving in belief…that is acting like I expect  God to answer to my prayers.

One of the prayers on my list is about a trip I would like to take this year. I have told God I would like to go if I get a certain amount back in my taxes. Now my tax appointment is not for another two weeks. Yet in prayer yesterday God told me that if I hoped to go I must set the dates aside. Planning for the trip is my step of faith.

My heart asks “But what if God doesn’t meet you with the money?”

To which  my spirit replies, “What if He does?”

So what is your step of faith?

Angela’s Testimony Pt. 2

I recently had the opportunity to hear Angela Bauver share a bit of her testimony. Angela is a member of our healing prayer team at Cornerstone. Nigel Mumford has said that she is the future face of healing prayer in the United States. She was kind enough to give me a transcript of her words.

If you missed Pt. 1  you can find it here: 

http://wp.me/pVpiQ-1te

Enjoy part 2!

Angela says:

In all honesty, I didn’t understand what I was going through. I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did or why I was the way I was. This created greater guilt and depression in me. I had given my life to Christ ten years earlier. I really tested God before I gave my life to Him.

I knew some of the pain I held in my heart, no doctor could heal and so I asked “God, if you are real take this pain I feel in my heart and heal me from it.”

Guess what! He did it! I received tremendous healing. In retrospect I now understand that if god hadn’t done that initial instant healing I could never have matured in Christ. Yet, because I received those  healings I was left confused when the pain came back. I didn’t understand the memories that haunted me while I was washing dishes and going about my life. I didn’t understand why jealousy, insecurity and anger would rise in my heart. I didn’t understand the growing desire to hide who I was as though it was unacceptable. I  felt exhausted, guilty, alone , without answers and confused as to how I had come to this place in my life.

I determined in my heart I would just ride the storm through until God did something.  But the problem was I didn’t really believe that God wanted to rescue me from what I was going through. I believed that God was disappointed with where I was in my walk of faith because the “bad fruit” was pretty evident. So I simply hid in shame before God and before others.

But I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Isaiah 61:1-3 says of the Messiah, Jesus

 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV

Jesus knew the salvation plan was very much intertwined with the healing plan. God doesn’t just want to save us and then leave us sick to deal with the past on our own. He has made the way. It is God’s work to complete healing in us! And he loves to do it!

Have you ever felt like God was disappointed in you? What did you do?

Tune in for part 3 tomorrow!

Angela’s Testimony

I recently had the opportunity to hear Angela Bauver share a bit of her testimony. Angela is a member of our healing prayer team at Cornerstone. Nigel Mumford has said that she is the future face of healing prayer in the United States. She was kind enough to give me a transcript of her words. Enjoy these excerpts and may they bring you hope for your own healing.

Angela says:

I am appreciative to stand before you and declare this simple truth: God first desires us to be saved. Then He wants to heal us from all trauma, sickness, pain and grief.

The Bible states that we are new creations in Christ Jesus, the old has passed away and the new has come. But that newness is a process of allowing God to deal with our baggage of disappointments and hurts.

It was Oct. 6, 2011 when I had finally had all I could bear. I couldn’t push down the grief, shame or sadness from my past any longer (of course at that point I didn’t even know it was from my past). I was seriously afraid for my sanity. I had walked through six months of extreme depression. Every night I put the kids to bed and I would lay in my bed trying to pray; Most times I couldn’t even speak words but if I could get something out it would sound something like “God please help me!” I tried to worship and praise but it was just a feeble attempt to do what I thought I should do to have break-through. I tried rebuking the devil. I tried rebuking my feelings thinking this must be the enemy coming against me.

When I read my bible I felt so guilty about the way my life was that it caused me to feel worse. I felt condemned by God through the Scriptures because I knew the standard we are called to live up to. I tried everything. Nothing helped. Then the lies started to creep in. I believed most of them: “You’re not a Christian”, “You’ve lost your salvation”, “God is very disappointed in you.”

I’ve learned that sometimes we walk through hard places in our lives and it is NOT THE ENEMY leading us into those dark places. Sometimes it is God leading us. The enemy may think he’s taking the win for the moment, but God ALWAYS wins. Because God’s love and desire for wholeness in us is his greatest concern, He allows us to walk through dark places of suffering. He actually leads us there, because He knows in the end we will be whole and we will be free! In those places do not fear. We do not walk alone. Our God goes before us. We walk with the Lover Of Our Souls. I wish I had known at that time that it was God that was leading me down the broken road, because I would not have waited until the pain of where I was was actually greater than pain of changing my life…

Have you ever walked through something like Angela did? What did you do?

Come back for Pt. 2 tomorrow!

Heaven Pt. 90

 But Elijah replied to the captain, “If I am a man of God, let fire come down
from heaven and destroy you and your fifty men!” Then fire fell from heaven and 
killed them all.  2 Kings 1:10

Do you realize that God is for you? Sometimes I think we forget just what a powerful truth that is. If God is on our side…if God is for us who can be against us? If we truly need it God will even open up the Heavens and rain down fire on our enemies. Whatever we truly need HE will bring us on the basis of His love for us. The trick  is for us to recognize we really need.

So what does your fire from Heaven look like today? What do you really need from God?

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 13

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

I lost my new boots! Just before what may be the coldest snowiest week in winter 2013 I have put my boots somewhere and I cannot, for the life of me, find them. To top it off they were a Christmas gift from my mother and now she is obsessing over the fact I’ve lost them.

It is truly amazing how little things can side track a whole day. Our momentary frustrations can easily dominate the psychological landscape, blotting out our view of God’s plans. I know if I am not careful I could lose valuable dream- reaching- time to what God calls the “little foxes”:

[Young Women of Jerusalem] Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming! Songs 2:5

When I get frustrated over something my knee-jerk reaction is to get angry and get- a- fixin’.  My emotions tend to blot out the logical side of me which would ask the questions: Is this immediately important? Do I need to be taking care of this? Is this something that needs to be dealt with now?

I am learning to catch the little foxes and stop them from stealing my time and energy. I’m accomplishing this  by stopping…breathing…asking the questions above…and planning from the answers to those questions rather than from my initial emotions.

Today’s quotes:

“To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles.” 
― T.F. Hodge

“It’s a lack of clarity that creates chaos and frustration. Those emotions are poison to any living goal.” 
― Steve Maraboli

“At times the whole world seems to be in conspiracy to importune you with emphatic trifles. Friend, client, child, sickness, fear, want, charity, all knock at once at thy closet door and say,—’Come out unto us.’ But keep thy state; come not into their confusion. The power men possess to annoy me I give them by a weak curiosity. No man can come near me but through my act.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

What are the little foxes that are trying to distract you from your dreams?

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 12

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
― C.S. Lewis

The TV has been flipping today between the inauguration of President Obama and episodes of “Doomsday Preppers”. The audacity of hope VS. the end of the world. As I made lunch with my daughter Amanda and then brought wood up for the week of frigid temperatures we are about to have, I found my mind ruminating over where I fall on the hope/ despair continuum.

I know the biblical prophecies of the end are coming to pass but I have not given up my dreams. God gave me these dreams and so I am going to pursue them and see them through to completion whatever may come. In fact in light, of the coming fulfillment of prophecy I am hastening to establish those dreams in God’s power. You see I believe that God gave the dreams to be fulfilled at exactly this time and any future events in the world are not hindrances to my dreams they are only contexts in which they are to be fulfilled. My dreams and all future events in my life and the world will work together for good!

I am hopeful!

Today’s quotes:

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” 
―    Shel Silverstein

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” 
―    Paulo Coelho,    The Alchemist

“The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” 
―    Barbara Kingsolver,    Animal Dreams

“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places.
But still there is much that is fair.  And though in all lands, love is now
mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.” 
―    J.R.R. Tolkien,    The Lord of the Rings

As a believer do you ever find yourself giving up on dreams because of your belief that we are nearing the coming of the Lord?

 

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 11

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

This afternoon before I left church I closed myself in my office and prayed through all the items on my thought web. Throughout the last eleven days I have continued to add things to the web. It’s getting quite large. Some of the requests require nothing short of a miracle; Others simply need my time and attention.  As I prayed through my list, though, I realized that the real miracle I need is for God to prioritize and organize my schedule to fit all the dreams He has given me into it in their proper order.

I have been amazed at how quickly God has touched some of the circled requests while it seems HE is waiting on others. As I prayed I felt that God is going to give me action plans for each request in its proper order. My job is to keep praying into them. I also have to be ready to receive vision and then to release that vision into the hands of others whom God will equip for the tasks at hand.

I am at the point of realizing I will need to call forth help and entrust myself to godly men and women to help me accomplish much of my call. I need to pray about what I am to release into the hands of others.

What do you need to ask for help with in order to fulfill your dreams?

 

Quotes Pt. 31

The worth of a dream is exemplified by the difficulty of realizing it.- John Hudson Tiner

Difficult dreams are not those that require us to do something, but those that require us to change to succeed at them.- John Hudson Tiner

When dreams take hold of us, we often look beyond what we want to do to what God wants to do through us.- John Hudson Tiner

Dream Big!!!!

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 10

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
― C.S. Lewis

At the beginning of this spiritual journey I made a thought web of all the things I would be praying for. I’ve been circling around the need for forward advance in our pastoral care and prayer ministries for the last 10 days . Today at our department head meeting we were asked to move into groups of two and I just happened to get paired with our director of prayer ministries. A list of questions was handed to us from which we were to draw four. We got stuck on the first one which was “what do you plan to accomplish in the next 12 months.” But in the hour given us we were able to hammer out a vision for both ministries that I think will dove-tail beautifully. The meeting was unplanned by us but certainly planned and ordained in time by God. I love how He answers our prayer for guidance.

My take away from the day is that the work  which lies ahead is going to take careful preparation in order to execute. I am not going to be able to waltz into God’s next level of ministry by accident. I am back to the words God gave me a year ago….SLOW- CONSTANT- INTENTIONAL!

“He who is best prepared can best serve his moment of inspiration.” 
―    Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“Unfortunately, there seems to be far more opportunity out there than ability…. We should remember that good fortune often happens when opportunity meets with preparation.” 
―    Thomas A. Edison

“Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character.” 
―    Alan Armstrong