Angela’s Testimony Pt. 2

crying eyeI recently had the opportunity to hear Angela Bauver share a bit of her testimony. Angela is a member of our healing prayer team at Cornerstone. Nigel Mumford has said that she is the future face of healing prayer in the United States. She was kind enough to give me a transcript of her words.

If you missed Pt. 1  you can find it here: 

http://wp.me/pVpiQ-1te

Enjoy part 2!

Angela says:

In all honesty, I didn’t understand what I was going through. I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did or why I was the way I was. This created greater guilt and depression in me. I had given my life to Christ ten years earlier. I really tested God before I gave my life to Him.

I knew some of the pain I held in my heart, no doctor could heal and so I asked “God, if you are real take this pain I feel in my heart and heal me from it.”

Guess what! He did it! I received tremendous healing. In retrospect I now understand that if god hadn’t done that initial instant healing I could never have matured in Christ. Yet, because I received those  healings I was left confused when the pain came back. I didn’t understand the memories that haunted me while I was washing dishes and going about my life. I didn’t understand why jealousy, insecurity and anger would rise in my heart. I didn’t understand the growing desire to hide who I was as though it was unacceptable. I  felt exhausted, guilty, alone , without answers and confused as to how I had come to this place in my life.

I determined in my heart I would just ride the storm through until God did something.  But the problem was I didn’t really believe that God wanted to rescue me from what I was going through. I believed that God was disappointed with where I was in my walk of faith because the “bad fruit” was pretty evident. So I simply hid in shame before God and before others.

But I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Isaiah 61:1-3 says of the Messiah, Jesus

 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV

Jesus knew the salvation plan was very much intertwined with the healing plan. God doesn’t just want to save us and then leave us sick to deal with the past on our own. He has made the way. It is God’s work to complete healing in us! And he loves to do it!

Have you ever felt like God was disappointed in you? What did you do?

Tune in for part 3 tomorrow!

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey Day 14

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

I have been praying over many things these last two weeks. One of the issues I have been facing in my prayer time is the sheer volume of  my prayer list.

I’ve been saying to the Lord “God I just don’t see how I can do it all.”

Over the last two days God has been showing me that I am not supposed to do it all. Not only am I supposed to call for help but I am supposed to let go of some of the things I cannot do and entrust them to the hands of others who can.  It is not that I am supposed to say no to my dreams. It is that I am supposed to give my dreams away so that they can come true. Letting go is now becoming a part of my prayer list. I must ask God what He would have me give up and release into other hands. I must ask Him to help me through the process of giving up things I would like to do but perhaps am not qualified to take to the next level.

It’s interesting that sometimes seeing your dreams realized means letting them go.

Today’s quotes:

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
— Havelock Ellis

Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.
— Sylvia Robinson

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
— Joseph Campbell

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 13

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

I lost my new boots! Just before what may be the coldest snowiest week in winter 2013 I have put my boots somewhere and I cannot, for the life of me, find them. To top it off they were a Christmas gift from my mother and now she is obsessing over the fact I’ve lost them.

It is truly amazing how little things can side track a whole day. Our momentary frustrations can easily dominate the psychological landscape, blotting out our view of God’s plans. I know if I am not careful I could lose valuable dream- reaching- time to what God calls the “little foxes”:

[Young Women of Jerusalem] Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming! Songs 2:5

When I get frustrated over something my knee-jerk reaction is to get angry and get- a- fixin’.  My emotions tend to blot out the logical side of me which would ask the questions: Is this immediately important? Do I need to be taking care of this? Is this something that needs to be dealt with now?

I am learning to catch the little foxes and stop them from stealing my time and energy. I’m accomplishing this  by stopping…breathing…asking the questions above…and planning from the answers to those questions rather than from my initial emotions.

Today’s quotes:

“To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles.” 
― T.F. Hodge

“It’s a lack of clarity that creates chaos and frustration. Those emotions are poison to any living goal.” 
― Steve Maraboli

“At times the whole world seems to be in conspiracy to importune you with emphatic trifles. Friend, client, child, sickness, fear, want, charity, all knock at once at thy closet door and say,—’Come out unto us.’ But keep thy state; come not into their confusion. The power men possess to annoy me I give them by a weak curiosity. No man can come near me but through my act.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

What are the little foxes that are trying to distract you from your dreams?

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 12

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ― C.S. Lewis

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
― C.S. Lewis

The TV has been flipping today between the inauguration of President Obama and episodes of “Doomsday Preppers”. The audacity of hope VS. the end of the world. As I made lunch with my daughter Amanda and then brought wood up for the week of frigid temperatures we are about to have, I found my mind ruminating over where I fall on the hope/ despair continuum.

I know the biblical prophecies of the end are coming to pass but I have not given up my dreams. God gave me these dreams and so I am going to pursue them and see them through to completion whatever may come. In fact in light, of the coming fulfillment of prophecy I am hastening to establish those dreams in God’s power. You see I believe that God gave the dreams to be fulfilled at exactly this time and any future events in the world are not hindrances to my dreams they are only contexts in which they are to be fulfilled. My dreams and all future events in my life and the world will work together for good!

I am hopeful!

Today’s quotes:

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” 
―    Shel Silverstein

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” 
―    Paulo Coelho,    The Alchemist

“The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” 
―    Barbara Kingsolver,    Animal Dreams

“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places.
But still there is much that is fair.  And though in all lands, love is now
mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.” 
―    J.R.R. Tolkien,    The Lord of the Rings

As a believer do you ever find yourself giving up on dreams because of your belief that we are nearing the coming of the Lord?

 

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 11

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

This afternoon before I left church I closed myself in my office and prayed through all the items on my thought web. Throughout the last eleven days I have continued to add things to the web. It’s getting quite large. Some of the requests require nothing short of a miracle; Others simply need my time and attention.  As I prayed through my list, though, I realized that the real miracle I need is for God to prioritize and organize my schedule to fit all the dreams He has given me into it in their proper order.

I have been amazed at how quickly God has touched some of the circled requests while it seems HE is waiting on others. As I prayed I felt that God is going to give me action plans for each request in its proper order. My job is to keep praying into them. I also have to be ready to receive vision and then to release that vision into the hands of others whom God will equip for the tasks at hand.

I am at the point of realizing I will need to call forth help and entrust myself to godly men and women to help me accomplish much of my call. I need to pray about what I am to release into the hands of others.

What do you need to ask for help with in order to fulfill your dreams?

 

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 10

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ― C.S. Lewis

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
― C.S. Lewis

At the beginning of this spiritual journey I made a thought web of all the things I would be praying for. I’ve been circling around the need for forward advance in our pastoral care and prayer ministries for the last 10 days . Today at our department head meeting we were asked to move into groups of two and I just happened to get paired with our director of prayer ministries. A list of questions was handed to us from which we were to draw four. We got stuck on the first one which was “what do you plan to accomplish in the next 12 months.” But in the hour given us we were able to hammer out a vision for both ministries that I think will dove-tail beautifully. The meeting was unplanned by us but certainly planned and ordained in time by God. I love how He answers our prayer for guidance.

My take away from the day is that the work  which lies ahead is going to take careful preparation in order to execute. I am not going to be able to waltz into God’s next level of ministry by accident. I am back to the words God gave me a year ago….SLOW- CONSTANT- INTENTIONAL!

“He who is best prepared can best serve his moment of inspiration.” 
―    Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“Unfortunately, there seems to be far more opportunity out there than ability…. We should remember that good fortune often happens when opportunity meets with preparation.” 
―    Thomas A. Edison

“Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character.” 
―    Alan Armstrong

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 8

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

God always gives us exactly what we need, even if we don’t think we need it. Our acceptance or rebellion against God’s plans take nothing from God. Such decisions only make pleasant or painful our journey through the adventure of life.

Yesterday Winter Storm Helen kept our office closed and this wrinkly pastor working from home. I had lots of time to catch up on the prayer I had missed from the day before (in between shoveling ops of course).

God knew I needed time to catch my breath. I’m sure he giggled (if God giggles) as he saw me use my breath-catching-time to plan out today to the minute. “Man plans God laughs” Liza Minnelli said. I think He has good reason. He truly knows what’s coming and how many of our plans are going to come to be.

Now I’m not against planning. I shudder to think what would happen to me if I didn’t plan.

my life with no agenda

my life with no agenda

But I am learning that my planning is not  God’s planning even when I ask God to guide me in my planning. He refuses for His own reasons to show me everything that is coming. Maybe He just likes me to be surprised. More than likely it’s the only way He can build my faith. Whatever the reason, I am learning to make my plans and be ready to chuck them in favor of his.

Today I arrived with my lists in tow. A man was waiting in our lobby. He wanted to meet with a pastor. After I stowed my snow boots, my 16 bean soup, and my agenda I sat down with him. I missed a planned prayer meeting  a writing session and two scheduled phone calls. The man gave his heart to Jesus. HALLELUJAH THE JOURNEY IS DOING ITS JOB!

I think I’m going to be praying for more divine interruptions and the heart to recognize them when they come.

Now I’m off to do the things on my list in the timing God apparently intended all along.

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 7

It’s amazing what a difference a day makes.

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

What is your Jericho? What walls do you need God to knock down?

Today I met with one of our C.cada artists for a music rehearsal. This brother’s first CD will hit the stands in about a week. His debut album marks the culmination of a year-long Jericho march.

As we chatted over tea before practicing our special music for Sunday I listened to his heart about the process: the commitment it called for, the road blocks, the frustrations, the waiting, but most of all the promise! My friend has held fast to the promise God put inside of him over a year ago. He has never let go of it no matter what the road looked like. In fact we were talking about one of the very last difficulties he faced in the journey. A problem in production sent him and his partner back to the audio drawing board to remix and remaster the whole project from scratch. Instead of bemoaning his luck this musician praised God for the valuable intel he gathered in the process of having to personally remaster his own CD.

This visit coupled with the study God has me doing have revealed a very wrong mindset in me. You see, I look at my Jerichos and I see  problems. They strike fear into my heart. My friend looks at his Jerichos and he sees promises. They give him faith.

I’m changing the way I think here. I am coming to see that problems become possibilities in the light of God’s promises. My Jerichos are not issues they are opportunities God is going to use to fulfill the passions of my heart!

Here are some quotes I reviewed from the first part of  THE CIRCLE MAKER  by Mark Batterson:

“The greatest moments in life are the miraculous moments when human impotence and divine omnipotence intersect.” Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker

” It is absolutely imperative at the outset that you come to terms with the simple yet life changing truth: God is for you.” Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker.

“God is not a genie in a bottle, and your wish is not His command. His command had better be your wish. If it’s not you won’t be drawing prayer circles; you’ll end up walking in circles.” Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker

And here is a simple song I need to meditate on in light of all this.

 

 

A 21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 6

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

Today I am having some trouble quieting my soul.

The words to the third verse of “Just As I Am” keep coming to mind:

Just as I am, though tossed about with many a conflict, many a doubt, fightings and fears within, without, O Lamb of God, I come, I come. – Just As I Am, William Bradbury

The world is not falling apart around me. I am not in crisis but I am beset by a plethora of things to do that keep calling me away from the place of quiet prayer. It seems I just get settled in and whamo! Something else comes up to pull me away from the secret place.

I’m beginning to think God’s as much in these distractions as HE is in the devotion. Somehow I am being challenged to walk in contentment and peace even in the place of constant disturbance.

Today’s quotes:

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” 
― Dale Carnegie,

 

“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” 
― Martha Washington

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” 
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

So here I am Jesus. Praying in bits and pieces today…fits and starts. Just as I am I come and if you want something different Lord then form it in me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

21 Day Spiritual Journey: Day 5

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ― C.S. Lewis

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
― C.S. Lewis

Well here are the questions I have asked so far on this Spiritual journey:

1.What is your Jericho? What walls do you need the Lord to knock down?  I made a long list of Jerichos in my life…things I needed God’s help with. I drew them into a thought web and put it on my office wall and have been praying over it every day.

Testimony: One of those items involved a phone call I was dreading having to make. It meant giving a friend some bad news as part of a larger work. I prayed into it for two days and made the phone call last night. Praise God He went before me as I asked and met the need and turned the bad news into OK news! I’ll take it!

2.What has to happen for you to face your Jerichos…your life circumstances with greater boldness? I still don’t know the answer to this question. I think maybe a deeper faith has to be birthed in me and an understanding of this quote in my life

The question is not am I qualified but am I called- Pastor Brad Hackett

The question is not am I qualified but am I called- Pastor Brad Hackett

 

3. What will your dreams cost? Are you ready to pay the price?  I started answering this in yesterday’s post. I think a  big portion of this spiritual journey is going to be about overcoming my fear of man and my fear of failure in the eyes of man.

4. What do you have to say “no” to today in order to say “yes” to God?

I started this list during our all day of prayer. I have three items on it and I know God is going to have me look deeper into this.

Who in your life is your “Sanballat and Tobiah”. Who intimidates you? What can you do about it?  This item definitely needs more prayer I think and action plan is in the making

Here are some quotes from service today:

“Don’t let your budget determine your dream” Pastor Brad Hackett

“To often we say ‘What if God doesn’t?’  but what if He does?” Pastor Brad Hackett

“If we seek answers we may never find them but if we seek God the answers will find us.” Pastor Brad Hackett

“Sometimes the problem is we are not willing to let God perplex us.”

Which of these quotes speaks most to you?