Angela’s Testimony Pt. 3

crying eyeI recently had the opportunity to hear Angela Bauver share a bit of her testimony. Angela is a member of our healing prayer team at Cornerstone. Nigel Mumford has said that she is the future face of healing prayer in the United States. She was kind enough to give me a transcript of her words. Enjoy these excerpts and may they bring you hope for your own healing.

If you missed either of the Angela series you can check them out here:

http://wp.me/pVpiQ-1te

http://wp.me/pVpiQ-1tk

Angela says:

Over the past year I have learned why I was in bondage. I have also learned that God is the only one who is able to bring me through. He will do it so that his name will be glorified. I am an oak of righteousness; a planting of the Lord!

Joyce Meyer writes in her book, Beauty For Ashes,  “the bad fruit comes from somewhere.”

When I was in the thick of my depression I would read God’s word desperately looking for answers but all I found was guilt and shame because I was facing myself which is never acceptable in God’s sight. I had to come to the truth that God sees Jesus when He looks at me. So as I read the Scriptures that name the types of people who will not inherit the kingdom of God: those who are filled with jealousy, those who are filled with anger, greed… I would recognize many of these things in my own life.

I knew inside I was filled with bitterness and anger towards my biological family… how I grew up. I knew I was filled with jealousy. I was filled with fear. I was judgmental, critical and negative. I blamed others for my problems. I was filled with rejection and abandonment (from others and myself). I was even self-righteous!

I knew I could never measure up. But when I began to walk through the healing prayer ministry sessions, God began dealing with my wrong mind-sets, my broken image of God, my expectation for perfection in myself and others and the self-hatred I carried from my early childhood.

…You see, rotten fruit comes from rotten roots. I have learned that I will never be able to behave right if my roots are bad no matter how much I work on it. But today there is hope for me and for you in Christ Jesus. We can be uprooted from the bad soil of our lives and be transplanted into the good soil of Jesus Christ. this is not a work that can be done by our self-discipline. It has to be done by God with his grace. his Spirit comes in and digs up all of our bad roots and literally plans new ones. God is not afraid of the mess in our lives or of helping us through the painful circumstances of life. He is not disgusted by the things that come up in us and out of us. The process is beautiful.

My roots were of shame, rejection, abandonment and abuse. My bad fruit was negativity, critical judgment, self-hatred and much more. My mentality was “What’s wrong with me?” Because of that I was constantly confused and filled with inner turmoil.

October 2011 marked the beginning of my journey towards wholeness. Today I am completely uprooted and replanted in the good soil of Jesus Christ… the soil of acceptance in Jesus and into the good fruits of the Holy Spirit. I stand on Hebrews 12:2…God who is the Author and finisher of my faith will finish what He has started in me. He will bring it to completion!

Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” Isaiah 43:1-2

Angela’s Testimony Pt. 2

crying eyeI recently had the opportunity to hear Angela Bauver share a bit of her testimony. Angela is a member of our healing prayer team at Cornerstone. Nigel Mumford has said that she is the future face of healing prayer in the United States. She was kind enough to give me a transcript of her words.

If you missed Pt. 1  you can find it here: 

http://wp.me/pVpiQ-1te

Enjoy part 2!

Angela says:

In all honesty, I didn’t understand what I was going through. I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did or why I was the way I was. This created greater guilt and depression in me. I had given my life to Christ ten years earlier. I really tested God before I gave my life to Him.

I knew some of the pain I held in my heart, no doctor could heal and so I asked “God, if you are real take this pain I feel in my heart and heal me from it.”

Guess what! He did it! I received tremendous healing. In retrospect I now understand that if god hadn’t done that initial instant healing I could never have matured in Christ. Yet, because I received those  healings I was left confused when the pain came back. I didn’t understand the memories that haunted me while I was washing dishes and going about my life. I didn’t understand why jealousy, insecurity and anger would rise in my heart. I didn’t understand the growing desire to hide who I was as though it was unacceptable. I  felt exhausted, guilty, alone , without answers and confused as to how I had come to this place in my life.

I determined in my heart I would just ride the storm through until God did something.  But the problem was I didn’t really believe that God wanted to rescue me from what I was going through. I believed that God was disappointed with where I was in my walk of faith because the “bad fruit” was pretty evident. So I simply hid in shame before God and before others.

But I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Isaiah 61:1-3 says of the Messiah, Jesus

 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV

Jesus knew the salvation plan was very much intertwined with the healing plan. God doesn’t just want to save us and then leave us sick to deal with the past on our own. He has made the way. It is God’s work to complete healing in us! And he loves to do it!

Have you ever felt like God was disappointed in you? What did you do?

Tune in for part 3 tomorrow!

Angela’s Testimony

crying eyeI recently had the opportunity to hear Angela Bauver share a bit of her testimony. Angela is a member of our healing prayer team at Cornerstone. Nigel Mumford has said that she is the future face of healing prayer in the United States. She was kind enough to give me a transcript of her words. Enjoy these excerpts and may they bring you hope for your own healing.

Angela says:

I am appreciative to stand before you and declare this simple truth: God first desires us to be saved. Then He wants to heal us from all trauma, sickness, pain and grief.

The Bible states that we are new creations in Christ Jesus, the old has passed away and the new has come. But that newness is a process of allowing God to deal with our baggage of disappointments and hurts.

It was Oct. 6, 2011 when I had finally had all I could bear. I couldn’t push down the grief, shame or sadness from my past any longer (of course at that point I didn’t even know it was from my past). I was seriously afraid for my sanity. I had walked through six months of extreme depression. Every night I put the kids to bed and I would lay in my bed trying to pray; Most times I couldn’t even speak words but if I could get something out it would sound something like “God please help me!” I tried to worship and praise but it was just a feeble attempt to do what I thought I should do to have break-through. I tried rebuking the devil. I tried rebuking my feelings thinking this must be the enemy coming against me.

When I read my bible I felt so guilty about the way my life was that it caused me to feel worse. I felt condemned by God through the Scriptures because I knew the standard we are called to live up to. I tried everything. Nothing helped. Then the lies started to creep in. I believed most of them: “You’re not a Christian”, “You’ve lost your salvation”, “God is very disappointed in you.”

I’ve learned that sometimes we walk through hard places in our lives and it is NOT THE ENEMY leading us into those dark places. Sometimes it is God leading us. The enemy may think he’s taking the win for the moment, but God ALWAYS wins. Because God’s love and desire for wholeness in us is his greatest concern, He allows us to walk through dark places of suffering. He actually leads us there, because He knows in the end we will be whole and we will be free! blessings 2In those places do not fear. We do not walk alone. Our God goes before us. We walk with the Lover Of Our Souls. I wish I had known at that time that it was God that was leading me down the broken road, because I would not have waited until the pain of where I was was actually greater than pain of changing my life…

Have you ever walked through something like Angela did? What did you do?

Come back for Pt. 2 tomorrow!