I recently had the opportunity to hear Angela Bauver share a bit of her testimony. Angela is a member of our healing prayer team at Cornerstone. Nigel Mumford has said that she is the future face of healing prayer in the United States. She was kind enough to give me a transcript of her words.
If you missed Pt. 1 you can find it here:
Enjoy part 2!
In all honesty, I didn’t understand what I was going through. I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did or why I was the way I was. This created greater guilt and depression in me. I had given my life to Christ ten years earlier. I really tested God before I gave my life to Him.
I knew some of the pain I held in my heart, no doctor could heal and so I asked “God, if you are real take this pain I feel in my heart and heal me from it.”
Guess what! He did it! I received tremendous healing. In retrospect I now understand that if god hadn’t done that initial instant healing I could never have matured in Christ. Yet, because I received those healings I was left confused when the pain came back. I didn’t understand the memories that haunted me while I was washing dishes and going about my life. I didn’t understand why jealousy, insecurity and anger would rise in my heart. I didn’t understand the growing desire to hide who I was as though it was unacceptable. I felt exhausted, guilty, alone , without answers and confused as to how I had come to this place in my life.
I determined in my heart I would just ride the storm through until God did something. But the problem was I didn’t really believe that God wanted to rescue me from what I was going through. I believed that God was disappointed with where I was in my walk of faith because the “bad fruit” was pretty evident. So I simply hid in shame before God and before others.
But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Isaiah 61:1-3 says of the Messiah, Jesus
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV
Jesus knew the salvation plan was very much intertwined with the healing plan. God doesn’t just want to save us and then leave us sick to deal with the past on our own. He has made the way. It is God’s work to complete healing in us! And he loves to do it!
Have you ever felt like God was disappointed in you? What did you do?
Tune in for part 3 tomorrow!